Get Unstuck – or Lower Your Expectations for Weight Loss

Get Unstuck – or Lower Your Expectations for Weight Loss

by Boyd Jentzsch

HEART PLAN weight loss logo

You have to find a reason, a reason beyond food, to eat less, to lower your appetite. To weigh less. You need a counterweight to your hunger.

That is where, like so many of us, you get stuck. And keep getting stuck.

Have you ever wondered why you successfully lose weight, then gain it all back later?

When you treat weight loss as a problem with a bundle of calories, you’re going to get stuck.

Because the calories you eat are tied to the human person holding the fork. It is the motivations of the human person, you, that drives every successful weight loss effort. And, every failure.

Getting Unstuck - Weight Loss Your motivations are complex. They may not be all be clear to you. Trouble is, many of your motivations may run so deep, so close to the core of who you are you don’t even notice they are in conflict with other, strong motivations.

You may want to lose weight, and are actively doing something about it. But other, hidden, internal “scripts” can get in your way. They are unintentional, self-defeating behaviors.


Think about when you were growing up.

Was there a time when you were young that you had a sense of adventure, when you knew you would do great things when you got older? Did you have a dream that moved in your core – that was a beacon of light shining on your future that you knew you were bound for great and wonderful things?

Did you feel that sense growing in you as you got a bit older? Then high school and post-high school years, college, jobs, relationships, marriage became your focus. Before you knew it, you lost your path. You lost your way. Have you gotten lost on becoming who you knew you would be back then? Has your dream slipped away?

Have you tried to re-direct your life, to get back to where you knew you were destined to go? But you could never get back to that same sense of adventure and bright future you had imagined years before? Have you felt that way before?

Silently, you changed. Over the years, in spite of successes, and finding people you dearly love and respect and need in your life, you felt something missing. And realized you were never going to get where you thought you were headed? So you lowered your expectations of life?

Growing up is often the process of lowering your expectations.

In your middle years it is hard to know how you can get back to seeing that bright light that had been focused on your future when you were much younger. Many things in your life are bright and beautiful today — parts of your life dream too.

But, sometimes, when it comes to that original light shining on your future, you just give up. Not everything. Just enough that, as you invest in the lives of others that are so central to who you have become, you sacrifice pieces of your dream. Pieces of you. The old light has dimmed. You sacrifice each day because that is what is needed to keep it all going. You do it willingly. Joyfully. Because this new reality is important to you, too. As it should be.

Then you get faced with a problem like excess weight. In the vast scheme of things, it seems so small. There are other problems, important ones to deal with. Money. Job. Spouse. Kids. Parents. In-laws. Your weight gain problem seems so minor.

The realities of having a lot to worry about, so much else that needs to be done and prioritized each day, your struggles with weight are just not that important. Right? So, you slowly gain more weight. Add a few extra pounds. And, over the years, it accumulates. Is that about right?

Then, one day, you decide you must “really” do something about  your weight. You diet. Start an exercise routine. But somehow, after weeks and months, the success of these efforts dissipate. Lost weight begins to reappear. Discouraged, you fall back into old patterns.

You are not alone. This is an old cycle that most people go through. Men seldom allow themselves to acknowledge it, and many women believe it to be part of the sacrificing role they must play to be mothers, wives, and lovers.

The average person tries 7-9 times to lose weight before they finally succeed (usually gaining 5-10 pounds each time they fail). What makes them succeed in the end? It wasn’t because they finally made the right changes in food or exercise. Those were the RESULT, not the reason they lost weight permanently.

Getting Unstuck Weight loss motivationWhen successful weight loss becomes a lifestyle.

Successful weight loss becomes a lifestyle ONLY because something CHANGES inside you FIRST. You quit lowering your expectations for yourself. All your life you faced other serious challenges and difficulties, priorities and time constraints. Each time you came last – your needs were less important than the needs of others that you loved.

BUT to lose weight permanently your body needs to come first. You need to feed it, and exercise it in a way that supports you becoming lighter. And stronger. “You” need to be the priority to do that.

You need to focus a bright light on your own future and say, “How am I going to keep being there for THEM in the future, if I can’t be there for ME now?”

At some future point you understand that with accumulating weight, even if holding steady at 30-40-50+ pounds overweight, your health will be at risk. Perhaps it already is. You need to take care of yourself. No one else can do it for you.

This is not a repudiation of your love for them. It is a re-focusing on you and the unique spirit and body, hope and affirmation you were created with. It is a realization that the beauty of life that stirs at your core can be revitalized. With that, you can do wonders for “them.” And great good for yourself, too.

To lose weight successfully, and keep it off permanently, you have to get unstuck.

You need a counterweight to your hunger.

You have to find a REASON a reason beyond food, to eat less, to lower your appetite. To weigh less. ONLY this strong motivation that will drive your successful weight loss effort.

Reverse course. Raise your expectations for yourself. Regain the power of the bright future that lit your youth. It doesn’t have to be the same dream. It just has to be who you are now. Who you want to be 1 or 5 or 10 years from now.

You are important. Let your beauty shine again. Become out here, where we can all see it, what you were hiding inside while sacrificing to make the lives of others better.

When you do that, really do it, you have your counterweight to food. You curb your appetite because it is the natural result of living out loud what had hid silently within you for so long.

Are you ready to do that?

HEART PLAN weight loss logo

© 2009, 2014 Boyd Jentzsch. All rights reserved.

-by Boyd Jentzsch

View Boyd Jentzsch's profile on LinkedIn

Boyd, a recovering Attorney, turned to weight loss research 20 years ago when he lost his mother to the lifelong effects of obesity. He has spent the ensuing years searching the science, and formulating a comprehensive metabolic map of the body — the only complete map of its kind. The map reveals the causes and effects of obesity and related chronic lifestyle diseases. It shows the only proven pathways to preventing and losing excess weight. From that unique foundation, he and his team created a weight loss education program that has helped tens of thousands to lose weight and keep it off. Plus, they created innovative and fun fitness and nutrition education programs for elementary school children, proven to reduce the early bio-markers for childhood obesity. HEART PLAN is a collection of his observations over the years of the emotional impact and motivational challenges nearly everyone faces when trying to keep lost weight off permanently.

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  1. Karen Hinkle says

    wow that is so true as a child it was you and only you you didn’t have all the stress and you dint have to worry about no one and you did as you pleased but now as moms we have so much more going on in life we do put or selfs last this is a great information I really do understand it wow its a wake up call

  2. Amanda Alvarado says

    Great post! I wish I could lose weight but I just don’t have the motivation to do it! I know what my problem is! LOL I am for the most part able to maintain it with eating healthy and walking but I haven’t seen any significant loss in 5 years since we lost our youngest.

  3. Im so glad I keep coming to these posts, they give me so much inspiration to finally do something I just need to take one more step !!

  4. Jennifer Hiles says

    Boy did this article hit home. It’s so funny to read it today because just yesterday or maybe 2 days ago, I was just thinking about how when I way younger, I was sure I was going to be or do something important. Any now if feels like the years are passing me by while I’m just trying to get through the day. The weight problem is exactly as described above. I need to change myself and my attitude and focus on a lifestyle change because what I’m doing now is not working.

  5. Virginia Rogers says

    That is amazing and so true. am definitely guilty of losing myself. I know was part to my ex always putting me down, to putting all my focus on raising my girls alone. What great information. Still need a lot of work to finding myself again but slowly working on starting with diet as at moment exercise hard with conditions.

  6. I’m a firm believer in the philosophy that you’re “hung by the tongue” … meaning, your words from your own mouth can lift you up or hang you! … I haven’t been able to find motivation lately and I’m struggling. Thanks for this article

  7. That’s a lot to think about. Its not a diet we need, its a lifestyle change.

  8. thia Beniash says

    i have always been small but not exactly thin. i have the tire tube that refuses to go away no matter what i do. i have learned to live with it for years. now i am feeling uncomfortable again. i am going to try and focus on more exercise geared for that area and bring it to a point that i am comfortable with. it will never be model perfect and i have to just accept that.

  9. Jessica Parent says

    Great article and yes I did lower my expectations as I got older ….and made excuses 😉

  10. Great post. As I’ve aged, I’ve learned to accept that I can donate those old size 7 jeans because I will not be able to wear them ever again. I’d be happy in a size 12!

  11. I have been yo yoing all my life–the above is very good suggestions and all should attempt to follow it.

  12. You have to completely change your eating habits (lifestyle) in order to lose. We all each too much and stuff that isn’t good for you. No wonder we could all stand to lose a few pounds.

  13. great information, I always wonder what works. Sometimes seems other things work than it turns out wrong, since temptation and stress and just all diff hormonal feelings and moods hit. I guess its always good that you follow a plan that fits you not what is said on tv or in a book. Great share.

  14. Great post! I’m working on my diet and fitness right now and I am trying to set realistic expectations based on my age. It’s hard to give up that 20 something ideal though.

  15. Great post! Lose weight like you put it on slowly, but keep at it. Thanks for a great read.

  16. Now that i think of it, i gained about 5-10lbs each time i failed.. I need the motivation to lose weight, not sure why… I need to get back to the gym days.

  17. Katrina A. says

    Ugh….I so need to shed some pounds.

  18. My mom is really trying to shed off some pounds but the doctor said that she has to treat her thyroid problems first. Is it true that the thyroid gland has an effect to weightloss?

  19. I think we need to all stop worrying about weight and start worrying about health

  20. That is very true. If you set your goals too high it is easier to give up.

  21. I never had any trouble at all with my weight until I had my last baby. Then I had to work really hard to get that weight off… I think I was too old to have him, but I don’t regret it one bit. 🙂

  22. I think weight loss is not the goal we should be aiming for but the person we want to be after we lose weight and eventually it becomes a lifestyle.

  23. Sometimes over eating is a sign of emotions run amuck..

  24. What a motivating kickstart that it just so happens I need! Thanks!

  25. I love reading these kinds of post. Weight loss is definitely a life style change – it has to be or it won’t work. Thinking back to your childhood is a great tool to start with. We can’t eat like we used to.

  26. I am enjoying these hunger posts, they are so informative!

  27. I recently started consulting with a wellness coach; he suggests having small goals that will build up my feeling of success. I think it’s working!

  28. Wow, this is a great post with a LOT of great little tidbits of information and motivation!

  29. Great info, I’m working on trying to do this now.

  30. Alaina Bullock says

    What a great post! Over the last several weeks I was thinking about exactly what you were talking about as being a child with dreams and as we grow up we lose focus then realize those dreams never happened, we’ve lost that feeling of not being able to get back to that bright light. It helped to read that. Thank you. As far as weight loss, I am at that point now. I am ready to do something about it, reach my goal – and I don’t want to lose that ambition at all which is why what you said about it being a lifestyle change makes so much sense!

  31. I always gain weight when I try to lose. It never fails. But that quote: growing up is about lower expectations is really profound.

  32. My problem is my sweet tooth and being so busy. I need to find the balance.

  33. So TRUE! I loose weight best when I run- and don’t worry about what I eat so much.

  34. Woah, this is exactly what I deal with and have to consider!
    Thank you so much for posting this- truly inspirational.

    Stopping by from Awesome Bloggers!

    Spreadin’ some love from the Dish

  35. I agree with lowering expectations as an adult. Reality sets in and we often realize that what we want is ridiculous, lol.

  36. The benefits of cycling are very evident when you get back to doing it after a long absence.
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  37. I definitely need to go back to my lifestyle which was healthy. You fall off and it is hard to get back on.

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