Unfolding Butterfly Wings – Does Rebekah Have a Right to Lose Weight?

Unfolding Butterfly Wings
Does Rebekah Have a Right to Lose Weight?

 

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Rebekah was fat. At least that‘s how she saw herself in the mirror every morning as she prepared to shower in the pre-dawn light. Her friends always said she looked great, but, as she squeezed the water off her long hair, she knew they were just being kind. Hadn’t she also told those same white lies to support a friend?

butterfly

Rebekah turned 43 last Sunday. The Friday before, she used the last day of her 90-day fitness club membership. She won it at the law office where she worked as a paralegal. The coincidence of these two events started her thinking.

Rebekah’s oldest, Tom, 16, has his father’s infectious smile. He is trying to get onto the high school football team. Cassi, 13 going on 19, is more of a handful everyday. (Wow, was she that tuned-in at 13?) Then there is Franklin. The surprise child of 5, and as sweet as they come, he is every bit a daddy’s boy. Daddy was off in Baton Rouge for one more day.

Driving the long rainy commute into Memphis that morning, Rebekah became reflective. They lived in the country because it would be better for the kids. But it meant a lot of driving time with precious few moments left for herself. As she turned onto the freeway she began to think about her weight again, and how she’d lost 14 pounds the last 3 months. She was proud of that. But it had taken its toll in other ways.

 ___________________________________________________________________
I feel like a caterpillar about to unfold from a cocoon after a long winter.
    ___________________________________________________________________

She had one of those tense conversations with Luke the morning he left for Baton Rouge. He was concerned about her staying longer in the city 3 nights a week to go to the club. Then there was the extra cost of the “new” food she was buying for herself, because he and the kids preferred the “old” food. Plus, she was spending a lot of time reading after the kids went to bed. She didn’t use to do that. It all added up to less time with the family and more money. As she dropped him off at the airport she told Luke she was considering buying a one year membership to the club. With a quick flash he said they would have to “discuss it all” when he returned.

On the drive home in traffic that evening Rebekah began formulating a letter to Luke. She needed to write it down. He was so strong and impatient when they talked about difficult things. So, in their 18 years together she had learned it would come out better if she wrote it down first.

Late that night, after the kids were in their rooms, she propped herself up in bed and thought. Then she began to write on her laptop…

My Dearest Husband,

I love you and the kids so very much. Everything I ever wanted I am experiencing now with you, and them. I love taking care of you. Each of you is so special, and so different. But, somewhere along the road I lost sight of me. I’m not sure where I went, but I got lost. I have been so busy for so many years doing so much for my family, I’m not sure who I am any more. And I need to know that.

When I started losing weight, I began to see just a little glimmer of me. It was part who I was when we were young together, and who I am now. I began to wonder who I would become in the next few years. And it made me think about you, and how I relate to you, and what it is you still see in me.

When we parted at the airport, I saw this pain and boyish fear in your eyes. Plus a bit of hidden anger. I know that you have been concerned about our money issues. And my time away from the family. Plus, my late night reading. But, for the first time, really, I have needed to concentrate on me.

I feel like a caterpillar about to unfold from a cocoon after a long winter. I don’t yet know what kind of butterfly I will be, but I know I will be one. I can’t wait to find out. I know I will be beautiful.

But, looking into your eyes that morning, I sensed you were threatened by my changes… and whatever future changes may be in store.

 ___________________________________________________________________
The effort I use to change my life requires me to feel my needs more strongly,
to give them greater priority.

    ___________________________________________________________________

Then I thought, does my way of being with you give you what you need? If it doesn’t, I’ll have to reevaluate how I relate to you — what I thought I meant to you. And that is where I get stuck.

My dilemma is that by discovering and choosing what is right for me may look like a threat to you. And I don’t want to threaten you.

There is the possibility that, in changing, I may not value you in the same way, that I may not need you as much. The very effort I use to change my life requires me to feel my own needs more strongly, to give them greater weight and priority. In doing this I may end-up lessening my dependence on you, as I am becoming more dependent upon myself. This doesn’t mean that I care less about you, or the kids, only that I care more about myself.

Does caring more about myself have to mean I care less about you? Do I need to think that it does? Do you have to feel that it does?

Is there some way for me to change lifestyles such that both of us see it as a positive challenge to create a deeper relationship, instead of a negative threat to whatever kind of relationship we have now?

   ___________________________________________________________________
Does my way of being with you give you what you need?
If not, I’ll have to reevaluate how I relate to you.

    ___________________________________________________________________

Must I deny my need to find a greater affinity with myself, so that I have to relate to you with a former, paler version of me? A version that is less me, but more acceptable to you? If it is the old, “less me” you want me to be, where does that leave the full, “unfolding me”?
 
Do I have to choose between finding, discovering, experiencing a more real, meaningful me, and a peaceful existence with you?

And if the person you experience is not fully, really me, then who or what is it that you truly love?

I really love you. I faminously need your love. But I need me too. I need to invest time, a little money, some late-night reading, and a lot of unconditional conversation to discover what type of butterfly I am. Maybe I’m no type at all… maybe I’m my own original type.

Can we both find ways to have patience while I discard my cocoon and unfold my radiant new butterfly wings?

I love you.

Rebekah

Rebekah finished the letter, then read it all over again. Then printed it out. Tears flowed unexpectedly. She had never been able to clearly articulate this before. Seeing it on paper, all at once… her deep breath pushed out the tears.

Would Luke understand? Would he be hurt? Couldn’t she just hold it inside and find a better way — a safer way to handle it? Maybe she shouldn’t give the letter to him.

She folded it up and put it on the nightstand. She would sleep on it. She would decide whether to give it to him in the morning, before she left to pick him up at the airport.

With that, she turned out the lights and closed her still-moist eyes.
_______________________________________________________

Please consider sending us your thoughts in the Comments.
What do you think Rebekah should do? Should she give the letter to Luke?

If you were her very close friend, and she shared the letter with you, if she asked your most honest advice, what would you say to her?

What would you do?

Please share your thoughts with us all.

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Unfolding Butterfly Wings
Does Rebekah Have a Right to Lose Weight?
@ 2009, 2014 Boyd Jentzsch

HEART PLAN — WEIGHT LOSS SUCCESS Begins in Your Heart
by Boyd Jentzsch
Boyd, a recovering Attorney, turned to weight loss research 20 years ago when he lost his mother to the lifelong effects of obesity. He has spent the ensuing years searching the science, and formulating a comprehensive metabolic map of the body — the only complete map of its kind. The map reveals the causes and effects of obesity and related chronic lifestyle diseases. It shows the only proven pathways to preventing and losing excess weight. From that unique foundation, he and his team created a weight loss education program that has helped tens of thousands to lose weight and keep it off. Plus, they created innovative and fun fitness and nutrition education programs for elementary school children, proven to reduce the early bio-markers for childhood obesity. HEART PLAN is a collection of his observations over the years of the emotional impact and motivational challenges nearly everyone faces when trying to keep lost weight off permanently.

See the Chapter Summary to Remember here.

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Comments

  1. I think she should take a breather, meaning she should go on a mini vacation to get herself together.. a marriage and family are very hard to maintain.. i would not give him the letter..

  2. Rebecca Swenor says:

    Awesome story and I can relate. I love the part of the butterfly it is so fitting for her change or anyone else that finally discovers who they are along with who they can be for themselves.

  3. It’s so easy to lose sense of the real you, really enjoyed the story, as Rebecca above commented I too can relate to some of it.

  4. Do not give him the letter. Us guys do not understand/appreciate/care for that type of sentiment. I’m sure she feels better by writing it, but if she’s worried about how he feels, then she must take extra time to show her husband affection, not ‘business as usual’.

  5. Writing the letter is a great way to get feelings on paper, but it’s best to destroy the letter and not give it to him. She should continue to improve herself and just see where things lead. He appears to be the controlling type, which makes me uneasy.

  6. Yes, I agree that it was good to write it for herself, but it should be just destroyed from there.

  7. Amber B says:

    I think that it’s is hard to be yourself in a relationship because someone is always the dominant one. Good for Rebecca everything will work out the way it needs to.

  8. I honestly don’t know what I would tell her to do. That is really tough when the husband can’t let his wife just spread her wings a bit.

  9. I’m not married, but I feel that every husband should completely support his wife. Moms who want to lose weight and give a bit more of love for themselves have every right to do so. I encourage my Mom to because being a mother is certainly not an easy one. I love your post. It’s touching and heartwarming.

  10. I think she should send the letter so she can have a clearer mind and be able to focus on herself too.

  11. I think it’s great that she reflected on her feelings and took the time to write the letter, and I agree that Rebekah needs to talk to Luke… but she should not give him that letter.

  12. What a touching story and post you have here? So touching, anyways, making and write a letter is a good way to express ourselves and said all the things and all the words we can’t say in personal but I think it’s not a good idea to give it to her husband.

  13. I think writing it out helped validate her feelings, but perhaps she should just talk to him, not give him the letter.

  14. I think writing all her feelings down was a good idea, however, I don’t think she should give it to her husband. It may sound threatening to him. If she feels the need to have her husband understand her better, I don’t think a letter is the way to go.

  15. I would absolutely give him the letter. There is no malice, no ultimatum. I think she summed up how they are both feeling magnificently and made it very clear that the option she wants is a supportive environment, not a separation or needing to choose herself over them.

  16. I agree with Ashley, she should absolutely give him the letter. I have been married for 23 years and there were times that I did this when I felt I couldn’t express myself well enough, it worked for me!

  17. She should give him the letter I wonder how he would react to it though?

  18. I think the issue will not be resolved with just the letter alone. Forget the letter, it would be better to talk things out, face to face. I just hope she has to courage to do so, and that the husband would be understanding of her feelings.

  19. Nice writing skills. Work appreciated. Keep sharing. Cheers 🙂

  20. Sadly many times the partner considers the other person’s weight loss as a threat to their relationship.

  21. I would encourage Rebekah to fly (First Love Yourself). This is gorgeous!

  22. I always think long and hard before sending such a letter. I have written my share of that type of letter over the years and if I choose not to send it, I still keep it. Then I can look back and realize how I was feeling at the time but decided it was better left unsaid at that particular time.

    Great post — thanks for inviting me.

  23. What a great story to share. That happens a lot.

  24. It is so easy to lose yourself in your marriage or your family. I think that they definitely need to have a long conversation about what changes they can make together to help her be happier. It would be nice if she could go to the gym, but if they absolutely can not afford the gym, perhaps she can take long walks in the country. This might be a good opportunity to start a fitness routine with the kids, too. At any rate, she definitely needs to talk to him and he needs to hear her concerns.

  25. I think she needs to see a counselor and figure out what’s wrong that she needs exercise and special food more than time with her kids and husband. The letter isn’t the answer.

  26. This made me think of someone very dear to me that went through these same emotions. I know as women we have a lot of unexplained feelings that make us do crazy things, but along the way, we should also remember the things our husbands do and have gone through for us. Just my thought.

  27. what a beautiful letter! I write my husband from time to time because i explain myself better in writing than verbally talking for an hour. If they have been married for 20 years, i see no reason why she should not give it and why the husband will not understand…it paints a clearer picture of her love.

  28. Diana Smith Hill says:

    I agree, he wanted a family, she gave him a family. He wanted a home she made the house a home. Now if she doesn’t take care of herself her life will be shorter. Maybe they need to consider making a gym at home but I think spending time with other people is also important for her. Her children will grow, she needs to continue to grow and to make a role model that if you want something there are always sacrifices you make for it. Working out is one example. Also tells the children that they have to take care of them selves. As you get older it’s especially important that she do that.

  29. Sheila Vives says:

    Since when is having a few pounds an indication that we are a lesser person ? I feel Rebekah’s biggest problem is self esteem. Somewhere in all of family life she lost sight of her own personality, and interests, and she does need to find herself. While her actual weight and height are not mentioned here, I would recommend for Rebekah to first see a physician to see if she is truly overweight and discuss her health. Then Rebekah would have an important topic to bring up with her husband with the support of her doctor…that being the health benefit of losing some weight and getting some healthy exercise. I am sure if Rebekah and her husband sat down with all of their receipts from purchases every month, they could find some areas in which to cut back on their spending. Maybe instead of buying “program food” for a diet, she could put together a similar diet with less expense from the grocery store, yet with tastier food choices. Her doctor could maybe refer her to a nutritionist to work with her.

  30. Tammy Schweitzer says:

    I love this story so many ways I can related too it. I would say she has too give the letter too Luke. He has too know how she feels. She had too let out all her feelings how she truly feels. That she need too think of the future her life. Yet Luke had too be understanding she need this for herself. That she loves him & the kids. That she had blossom out as a butterfly

  31. Kari Wagoner says:

    I think she needs to give him the letter. So he at least knows how she feels. I know a lot of moms forget their true selves.

  32. Roxann Johnson says:

    I think she needs to give him the letter so he knows her true feelings then sit and talk about everything in detail so he misunderstands nothing!

  33. Melissa Graham says:

    He needs to read the letter, but if money is tight she needs to be open to less expensive ways to get back in touch with herself.

  34. Martha S says:

    Such a touching story and one I (and I’m sure many others) can relate to. As far as the letter is concerned, I think it depends on Luke. If he’s the least compassionate, he’ll read it and understand. If he’s not, I wouldn’t give it to him. In that case, I would just try to explain how important exercising with others can be and how important taking care of herself will benefit the family.. Where I live there is a gym that just charges $10/month. If she is really overweight then her doctor can get her into a program that insurance may pay for. No matter what she decides to do with the letter, she still has to do things to make her feel good about herself in order for her to be able to be a better wife and mom.

  35. Janice Dean says:

    I would give the letter to Luke and if he is like my husband, he would understand.!

  36. Okay, after reading the story I can sure relate to how she is feeling about herself and how she realizes she needs to do something for herself and stop worrying what her husband might think of her for making time to improve herself. He feels threatened as many men do. I would say give him the letter and do what you have to, he will come around eventually. I read in the letter that money was tight, but I also read how she is always doing for him and their family, If he really loves her like he says he does then he will give something up like she and many woman do so she can go out and spread her wing to become that beautiful butterfly. That is what a truly loving and understanding husband and family would do.

  37. That’s a hard situation. Hopefully, she can tell him clearly how she is feeling and they work together to support each other, no matter what.

  38. Karen Hinkle says:

    I think she should give it to him that’s how she feels and they need to address it so they can work on it we as women do loss who we are we have so much to deal with we loss who we are our jobs don’t have a end time its never done so if they have a problem they need to work it out it will only make them stronger as a couple

  39. Goodness! Love reading this and I’m agreeing with the other comments. It is good to write the letter but do destroy it. I’ve had to do this before and it is therapeutic.

  40. I don’t think she should give him the letter. I believe it would hurt more than it would help. Now that she has clearly articulated her thoughts on paper, she can use it as a guide for herself to talk to him face to face. A conversation needs to happen in order to get a resolution.

  41. Sandra H. says:

    I need some facts first. Is Rebekah truly overweight? Is working out at the club her only option or can she do it at home? How about making it a family affair? I wouldn’t give the letter.

  42. Isis Sample says:

    i think this is a wonderful story and one that many women can relate to and one that really all couples should read, because i don’t think that it’s just women who go through this, for all we know, Luke could be having his own dilemma as well. With marriage, kids, work, activities and just the day to day things, most ppl get to that point where they say “this just works” but does it!? I feel like that movie “couples retreat” with Vince Vaugh where the counselor tells them does it!? All the talk about my this and his that and my this, WHERE’S US!? I’m not hearing it because it’s not there, and you all deserve a lot better than “just works”… I don’t think this can work unless you find yourself, your voice and you remember who you are. Rebekah needed to write this letter to remember her values and I think it’s wonderful that the tears she cried where just a way to get it all out and see herself again. I think she should give him the letter because if it didn’t matter, she wouldn’t have written it down and cried. Afterall open discussion and communication is essentilal to any relationship and if Luke is her other half, her soulmate, i’m sure he’ll understand and help her.

  43. Life is all about balance. There are many ways of doing things, and the reason those ways are there is so that each person can find what works for him all around. So in Rebekah’s case her current method is not working. does she have a right to lose weight? If she needs it, then she has an obligation? Does she have a right to neglect her family in the process? No… they are her family after all. She can find ways around all these issues and STILL feel better about herself. Sometimes it’s easy to stick with what has been working, and if it’s really working that’s great, but if other vital areas in life are compromised, it’s not actually working.

    So Rebekah needs to find a way to lose weight that will not compromise her family or finances. Life is full of challenges and this one is small in the big picture of things.

    About the letter: letters are great for getting feelings out and sorting them in your head, but not for successful communication. She can give the letter and then say “let’s TALK about it”… or she can use the letter as a way to sort things out and now go and have the conversation.

    If she can let Luke know how she really feels, I’m sure he will be able to help her figure out a more successful strategy

  44. Debra Lynch says:

    ABSOLUTELY she should give that letter to Luke. I have learned- it’s best when a man can read something- they see it on paper with no interruptions. They can talk about it AFTER the letter has been read and absorbed. It is a beautiful letter.

  45. Constance Ralph says:

    I think I would give him the letter. If it was my husband he would understand. It so easy to lose yourself when your taking care of your family I have been married for 11 years and have 4 kids. I have really noticed me losing myself the past few years I don’t do the things that make me happy and I enjoy much anymore because my life revolves around my family.

    Maybe Rebekah doesn’t have to go to the gym to work out there are plenty of at home workout you can do that cost a lot less money or even buy a treadmill and some weights.

  46. Amy Stonger says:

    Wow! That was beautiful and I can relate. My family has never been overly supportive of my weight loss and exercising. I think it’s necessary for her happiness to go through with it. In any successful relationship spouses must support one another’s goals. She needs to have the freedom to explore herself and the paths she wants to choose.

  47. Kelsey S says:

    I am on team send. She wrote her feelings down, she expressed them to her husband. They are obvious feelings that she has had and if she keeps them bottled and not mentioned to her husband then this will eat her away and be a hinder in their marriage.
    It shows that she wants to move forward in her life and wants her husband to come with her on her journey.

  48. I believe that she really helped herself by identifying her feelings and by writing them down. I think that she should share her feelings with her husband. I believe that she should share it with him.I believe it would be good to share the letter with him. I think that she should make the point that in bettering herself, she strengthens the family and the marital relationship. I think it’s helpful to he entire family to hav a stronger and healthier mother. .I think she should state this both verbally and in the letter. I didn’t care for the comment that she cared more for herself, it should be that she loves herself and her family. I wonder if there’s a way to exercise as a family to strengthen the bond and still improve her health with the family or at at least part of the time to have both alone time and family time. Perhaps if she were to continue the 3 nights away, those could be the nights that she reads and have quality time with her spouse on the nights that she is home? Compromise and everyone wins!

  49. thia beniash says:

    Rebekah truly needs to share the letter with her husband. This is clearly important to her physical well being as much as her mental well being. If she holds this letter back then she is going to have resentment over it, towards her husband. He needs to support her and help her achieve the goals she sets for herself. He also needs to be there should she not meet any goals.
    A healthy happy mom will make a stronger marriage and family atmosphere. It is vital that mom have the freedom to create her own happiness in her physical body. I am sure the children would be very proud of their mom for setting a healthy goal and achieving it. They will see her happiness and will be able to share in it!

  50. Lesa Moats says:

    Great idea, it’s best when a man can read something and they see it in black & white.

  51. Wow, I really don’t know what to say. You would think he would support her and praise her instead of being threatened. He could always join her in her new activites. May do him some good too.

  52. courtney hennagir says:

    I would give him the letter.He needs to understand what she is going through and quit being so selfish.He should be supporting her in any way he can.If she can’t be honest with her husband,what’s the point?

  53. Heather Barker says:

    I would give him the letter and also invite him to participate in some of the activities that she does. Also, she needs to find out why her family doesn’t like the new healthy foods that she prepares. She is doing all of this for her health so that she can be around a long time to take care of their children and even after the children are grown if she’s healthy it could mean doing more stuff together.

  54. Pamela Sims says:

    My heart goes out to her! I really think that she wrote the letter to herself, that she should put it in a safe place for a few days then re-read it and headdress her feelings then.

  55. Virginia Rogers says:

    I feel it really expresses her feelings and she should not be afraid to give him the letter, if he loves her and feels as deeply for her he will accept her and work with her together how they can work through the changes together to create balance. That is what is important in a relationship, not just the needs of one person.

  56. Jessica Parent says:

    I feel she should share her feelings with her husband either verbally (now that she can articulate what she is feeling or by giving him the letter) . Even if he doesn’t agree with her recent decisions it will let him know exactly how she is feeling and they will be able to negotiate something that works for both of them .18 years is a long time-Im sure the husband can handle her raw honestly and her explaining her feelings may alleviate whatever fears/threats he is feeling.I would want my husband to explain himself if something innocent (or to better himself) was feeling like a threat to me….Our minds can drive us crazy and mislead us into thinking something innocent is something bad

  57. Katrina Angele says:

    I’m glad she is trying to discover her true self and what not but to me she is coming across a bit selfish. What about compromise? Working out at home? Reading late a few nights a week. Her letter seemed more of self discovery for herself but seemed to accuse or put blame on her husband for her feeling lost.

  58. DANIELLE WILLIAMS says:

    I am glad she is choosing to look after herself and I truly believe she should give luke the letter. a really bad trend with todays relationships is lack of communication and assuming our partner knows how we feel. this would take the guessing game away from Luke and give him a true insight into rebekkah.

  59. Cass sudduth says:

    I think she needs to keep up the good work. She does need to be her own individual. Even though I am in a relationship I try to be my own person too. She should also talk it over with her husband so he know her feelings on it also she would find out his true thoughts.

  60. I think writing the letter was a good idea, but only for her eyes, she should talk with her husband and be honest!

  61. I Love Butterflies, that was a beautiful way to express herself, I liked the story, I think she should give the letter, alot of times guys have to see things to get it and a letter would work

  62. Lisa Engel says:

    I am overweight,have delt with all she has. If losing weight,being healthier,FEELING BETTER about herself its what she needs for her. In a relationship there are give and takes. He should be PROUD she’s becoming the woman she wants to be. Keep positive and believe in YOU.

  63. Sandy McFadden says:

    I too have been bullied and been teased about my weight my whole life. Everytime I try to do better and slip it gets rubbed in my face making me feel like a failure. I now have a very supportive Fiance who wants me to get healthy not skinny makes a big difference.

  64. Cassandra says:

    I think that she should give her husband the letter when he comes home after she explains that she has thought about her situation and has put her heart into the words he will read. Then she should leave the room and let him process it, explaining that she will be in the next room to have a discussion about what she wrote. Just speaking from my own life, I find that the written word means more to me because it isn’t just blurted out in haste or automatically. The discussion afterwards, I think, would be much ‘cooler’ than a … I am unhappy and let me tell you why, discussion would be, imho.

  65. Sarah Sinkus says:

    i love it i too can relate to making changes for yourself

  66. joann tompkins winborn says:

    In finding oneself there is always a risk of losing those around you out of misunderstanding. I think it was wonderful that she wrote the letter before talking to her husband and I hope that he can understand her need to give more time and attention to herself. I was a “giver”, a “people pleaser” who always put everyone else first.
    It took me 60 years to understand that I “deserve”. That the thought is not a selfish one, but rather a necessary one if I am to be truly happy within myself.
    The more happy I become with myself the more I can be there for others with boundaries set in place.
    It took the majority of my time on this planet, but I have finally reached the point of giving myself “equal time”

  67. Stephanie Mago-Eagle says:

    I feel she should not give him the letter.She needs to take some me time.My husband passed away almost 4 years ago I am battling with gaining and losing weight since he passed away.So I can relate to that.We need to take care of ourselves and not just others around us.

  68. I think she needs to talk to a counslor and get some personal issues figured out.. There is something not right.

  69. Sherry Bracy says:

    I see most people think she shouldnt give the letter to her husband, but if you read, she says her and her husband dont communicate well…so if he wont listen when they talk ,then how is she supposed to tell him how she really feels? I would tell her to keep the letter, Try and talk to her husband about it..and THEN if he wont listen , hand him the letter. That’s what my advice to her would be.

  70. Denise Boeger says:

    I think that her husband needs to open his eyes and realize that his wife has lost herself. She has been putting herself on the back burner for so long, she doesn’t know who she is anymore. He should be happy that she wants to loose weight because it is a good decision health wise and not be worried that she will leave him because she will become, “better looking.” I think writing the letter is great because it is a great way to get your thoughts out, but giving him the letter could go either way. He could come around and realize his wife needs this and support her, or he could take it as an attack and get very angry. Every relationship is different and a wife knows their husband better than most likely anyone. If it were me, I would give him the letter, but I’m not sure in this instance with this particular man.

  71. michelle elizondo says:

    I am scared and gracious for the beneficial enlightenment.

  72. julie ferguson gould says:

    Very caring story written from the heart for sure. Makes ya really think……………….

  73. I Can relate to Rebekah’s story she need to find time for herself and keep on with her goals. Talk to her husband and find out why he feels so threatened. I would save the letter for my own inspiration. She should sit down and talk to her husband though and reevaluate the situation. She deserves time to herself as well as feel good about herself.

  74. Heather Adamson says:

    I think Rebekah should give Luke the letter it is heartfelt and shows how she truly feels. I feel she should tell him before she gives it to him that she would like to discuss it afterwards. Get everything out in the open. I can feel her pain because I have been there and it didn’t end well because he was so unsure of himself when I tried to better myself physically. Communication is the answer.

  75. Amanda Alvarado says:

    I would encourage her to give him the letter but be there as he read it to answer his questions and further explain if needed. Yes she wants the year membership but can they really afford it? Could they maybe invest in a few exercise equipment pieces that she could have at home if it would be cheaper? These are points that I’d ask her about if I was her friend.

  76. Ashleigh Gunter says:

    I’ve been married for 4 1/2 years. My husband supports me in anything that I do or want to do. She needs to communicate with him and let him know how she feels. If she feels like she needs to better herself for HERSELF, then do it. She betters herself, she’s bettering her family!

  77. peggy fedison says:

    I think she should sleep on it. re read it in the morning.. and if it is truly how she feels, then she should give it to him. NOT immediately as soon as he gets home.. they should have a nice romantic nite together first.. and then the next day she should give it to him.. if she feels unsatisfied, then she wont be able to give her all to her family and husband. i think it beneficial for all the family if she pursues this new found journey. 🙂

  78. Kristy Franks says:

    I think writing the letter was a great way of getting her feelings out but she should not send it I love the part about the butterflies and change very special story

  79. She should give Luke the letter. It explains she needs to do this for her and he shouldn’t feel threaten. It could open the door for him to tell her how he really feels.

  80. This is such a great story and I can really relate to lots of it

  81. wendi watson says:

    its amazing with everything that is going on in my life right now how close this hits home! thanks you for the read! i would not give it to my husband cause men take things wrong lol

  82. Carol Yemola says:

    I don’t think she should give Luke the letter. Sometimes the written word can be taken very differently than the spoken word even though the same thing is said. She should talk to Luke face to face. If she just gives him the letter he might read more into it than she intended.

  83. Mandi Gilliam says:

    Rebecca your story is so understandable. If you feel that you can write down your feelings and share them with him easier that way than I say GO FOR IT. Men aren’t always the best listeners, ad sometimes writing them a letter and letting them know how you feel, is what gets their attention. Because when you talk it’s a lot of banter back and forth and you aren’t always heard. So definitely give him the letter. And try not to be too hard on yourself. Life is too short! HUGS!!!!! <3

  84. Cynthia Dubuque says:

    I think she needs to give it to Luke. She knows, in her heart, what she needs to do. The only way to love anyone else is to love yourself. You can’t take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself first. To be the best that she can be, she needs to do it. If he truly loves her, he’ll accept it and support her in any way possible.

  85. I relate to this story in a lot of ways… maybe not literally of what her struggles are but the fact in my first marriage I felt trapped, lonely, caged… The letter is wonderfully written and I would give it to him… but I’d also talk face-to-face.

  86. kelly Hubbard says:

    I can relate to this story for the past 12 years I have lived a lie.. I have been with a man that does not want to be with me.. Its sad sometimes wer need to love ourselfs before we can love anothe

  87. Robyn L says:

    give him the letter and discuss it with him after he reads it

  88. kelly Hubbard says:

    Being in adead end relationship I can relate.. I need to work more on taking care of my self and not my mate.. I need to do things for me

  89. Lily Kwan says:

    I think Rebekah was very brave to express herself in a such an open and honest way. I think she should hold off on giving Luke the letter for now and see how things play out with her weight loss progress.

  90. Raye Wiedner says:

    I would give him the letter. I identify with the issues she had, although mine were not involved with weight loss. When I started working again after being a SAHM for years, my husband (ex now) expected everything in life to stay the same, as did my kids. Working 11 hours a day, 6 days a week, I realized pretty quickly that things had to change. I could not do it all, and they all expected me to. I sat everyone down and had a long talk, and I realized how much of me I’d lost through the years, by giving all to them.
    It was a very rough go at first when I implemented changes. Most people are pretty resistant to change, and they were no exception. I realized that I had to stand tough and keep gently insisting on the changes, even though they were all unhappy for a while. Gradually, they began to see how much more I really had to give when I was more fulfilled and happy with myself. No, I didn’t have as much time, but the time we spent was much better quality.
    I seriously believe a lot of that led to my divorce however. My husband couldn’t bear to see me becoming stronger and the fact that he had no control over it. The kids adapted very well, but he was not nearly as flexible. While divorce was a horrible thing, and something I don’t wish anyone to go through, in the end, it was best for all involved. I learned and grew and became a much better person and a much stronger, happier woman in the end.
    I’d hate to say she should make that choice if it would ruin her marriage, but someone who loves you should be supportive of anything you do to make yourself happier. If they don’t, I firmly believe they don’t truly love you as you deserve to be loved.

  91. Diana Cote says:

    I think its great she got all those feelings out on paper and I think she needs to continue in working on what makes her happy and finding her self again, I dont know if she should show it to him, I think she really just needs to tell him that’s she is going to continue on working on her self and she likes the changes and if he is not ok with it then things are not going to work. he will soon soon be ok with it and if not, he wasn’t worth wasting her time on.

  92. Stacy Giacosa-Bauer says:

    I think it is helpful to write her feelings down on paper! It helps you on how to say it in person when she is ready to sit down and talk to Luke in person. I would not give the letter to Luke, but really think about shortening it up just a little because men just want you to get to the point in a conversation as been my experience with serious talks! I loved reading the letter and it will help Rebecca to practice what she is going to say so that she gets her point across in a loving way!

  93. Lula Ruger says:

    I think writing the letter definatley helped her express herself and maybe even come to realize some of her own feelings but i think she really needs to talk things out with her husband and family as a whole

  94. Debby Etling says:

    Gosh, I would have to say give him the letter. Here is the thing, I completely understand and I am sure most of us do. We give of ourselves, do without, and constantly am trying to be attentive to others. To assert change into a situation that we created for years on end is difficult for all. Especially I think kids have a harder time. Especially food. Trying to take control back or change how the control of your life is carried out is the biggest change I think we have to make. Good luck to Rebekkah I hope she gets what she wants and her family supports her. The fear is real but so are the rewards.

  95. robyn donnelly says:

    It’s true…a lot of us lose ourselves over time because we devote everything we are to our man and children. Then there’s work, everyday living, and oft times, parents and siblings take their toll on us too. When we make friends, we have to try and find time for that as well. Everyone wants a piece of us and we want to give it to them. Eventually, things slow down and then we wonder who we are anymore. We look in the mirror and more times than not, don’t always like what we see. There comes a time when you have to take a step back and look at the total picture. You have to like yourself for others to enjoy who you are too. We need personal time. Doesn’t mean you have to be mean or ugly about delivering that message. Be tactful, loving, but be proud of what you need.

  96. I know exactly how she feels and yes, her husband should know. I blamed my mate for taking my SELF from me. I felt like a totally different “old” me again.

  97. I recently went through something very similar to this with my own husband, and I did tell him my thoughts and feelings on it, and it went amazingly well. If they love you, they will find a way to make it work. That doesn’t mean there may not have to be some compromise on both sides along the way, but it’s possible. The first step to being true to yourself is sharing your feelings with the ones you love the most. You will need them on your journey anyways to be your cheer captain and best bud.

  98. katherine says:

    Wow, I wouldn’t even know where to begin

  99. Sharon Baker says:

    Now that she has her feelings together. I think she should talk to him instead of giving him the letter. The letter seems too informal and informal all at once. Sit down with him and just let your heart flow and talk to him heart to heart if he loves you he’ll eventually understand.

  100. I think that SO many of us parents (Moms especially) get so caught up in taking care of our families that we forget to take care of ourselves. The reality is, it is EXTREMELY important for us to take care of ourselves and be healthy not only because we need to be there for our kids and our spouse, physically, but also to be a good role model for our kids. They need to see how important it is to be active and eat healthy. Also, kids often take their moms for granted; not because they are spoiled, but because they don’t know any better. If a mom takes time for herself to be healthy and exercise, then her kids will see that mom’s wants and need are valuable, too. In regards to Rebekah’s letter; I think that she should give it to him and discuss her feelings in person, as well. Open communication is key in a relationship, otherwise resentment builds. I do think that she needs to put more emphasis on being healthy, instead of her appearance. If her husband sees that she wants FEEL good and not just LOOK good, maybe he will understand the importance of gym memberships and costly eating.

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